^_^ments

 HellOoo Again!
When tough shiz happens, it is very easy to 'wallow' in it. I think in my previous life I used to be a hippopotamus or something because I am pretty much expert at it!
But as they say, when life gives you lemons, cut them up and do tequila shots!

Anyway as I have decided to get out of my emotional FUNK.. here are some of the simpler things I enjoy in life.. ie; things that make me pull a face similar to this one ^_^

NOT running out of Tee-Pee!

That moment when you run out of toilet paper in a public place... and after a few moments of intense panic, you spot an extra roll up on the window sill! I imagine a fanfare when I sight the most likely 1-ply roll of awesomeness perched loftily above me.. I imagine it retorting with "hah! you though you were @!%$ed didn't you?"
I don't mind Mr TP's sarcastic tone, nor the fact he is no doubt akin to sandpaper... at this moment, as far as I am concerned, he is 24 karat gold!





Unexpected 'Pocket' Money.


I am not talking the kind your parents doled out in return for completion of the most menial tasks they can concoct.. I am talking about slipping back into that winter coat, or the jersey that was lost under your bed for months.. and your fingers enclosing around something foreign in one of the pockets.
Your left eyebrow raises a fraction, your heart beats a little faster, and your fingers clamp down on their prize. SCORE a $5 note! oh the things you can buy! oh the things you have missed out on, how have you survived without this papery little gem in your life?
Never mind the fact your bank account has probably 5 times the amount (maybe with a minus in front of it, if it is anything like mine!) THIS MONEY, is THE MONEY.. what ever you choose buy with it will be subsequently more valuable.. because you brought it with the 'pocket' money!
Second best to the 'pocket' money, is the 'pocket' lighter. Of course it's value is circumstantial and based loosely on your personal habits and how apt you are at rubbing two sticks together. For me however.. it is a gift from above.

The Sleep-in.

The people who will appreciate this the most, are probably those that are; parent's, hold a 9-5 type job, suffer insomnia, have a rocky relationship with their alarm clock, or simply LOVE sleep (like me!)
Bed just feels so much better when you know you'd usually be (or should be) elsewhere. Knowing others are rubbing their eyes furiously, chugging down coffee by the bucketful, mentally berating their brain for refusing to function, and moving zombie-like through the motions, really it's the icing on the cake. Call me cruel, but I derive more satisfaction from a few hours sleep-in, then I do from a solid nights sleep. It. just. feels. good.







Early Birthday Presents.

Growing up I had grandparents who forever got my birthday date mixed up with my mothers, whos birthday was a month earlier than mine. If not that, they just randomly gave me a present some couple of months into the year. Considering my birthday falls near the very end - it was an impressive effort.
There is nothing as rewarding, as checking the mailbox, expecting your usual compilation of bills and mailers, and discovering a gaudily wrapped package with your name on it!
Sure you might be down a present when your birthday eventually ticks around.. but to hell with it.. two birthdays trump one! (even if I am met with only eye rolls, when I pronounce it is my 'early birthday' and therefore I can claim special privileges all day!)




Meeting your 'Twin'. 


ZOMG we have the same shoe size! or the same initials! maybe we just have black hair, wear glasses and have an undeniable hankering for indie music and computer games.
What ever it is, it is always really really exciting to find that person that shares something in common with you, maybe because we all see ourselves as so different from everyone else, feel we didn't quite fit with the mold when God's production line was running...
Just as long as this person is not bordering on identity theft, it is usually grounds for instant friendship - Gotta love that! ;)







Peace out,
X Sarah
(Ps; leave a comment or I will send you hatemail)

EMOtional

 Oh hai!
After a week long jaunt in hospital (appendix out yada yada), I am prescribed a bagful of painkillers, one of which has a street value of around $200 (Hubby worked that out, I wasn't trying to pawn them off! honest!) that's how strong they are..

Now that the majority of the pain has gone I can return to my regular old self.. no more filling in crosswords with gobble-de-gook and fading in and out of conversations, I am even trying not to sleep the ENTIRE day away .. starting tomorrow..

 But taking all those meds have taken their toll.. I feel a tad "emotional" today.








Some of the tear provoking things that have happened today....

 I remembered Bobby Long has a girlfriend... 


Damn I had this one firmly locked down with a good ol dose of denial. *sigh* Don't celebrities know they aren't supposed to lead personal lives? The only action they should be getting is in our dreams.. with us!














My son's gingerbread man lost it's head...


He was so proud of his gingerbread man he brought back from daycare, with raisins haphazardly squished into it's wonky little body.. that when the head spiraled towards the carpet in an act of pure rebellion, I actually teared up a little. He too was upset, but as soon as he realized that the head could now be conveniently consumed he cheered up. I still feel slighted by that sly piece of biscuit.






My computer game timed out...

Why is it, whenever I most need distraction from reality, technology snubs me? My game kept losing synch, everyone on facebook had fallen into some unrelenting coma (or just had better things to do?...nah)After refreshing frontier ville for the billionth time, and then realizing that my crops had now withered because I hadn't been there to harvest them in time.... I closed the browser in defeat.









A sad song played on my itunes...



Yes I know, a sad song can get to the best of us.. but this song wasn't even particularly sad, I am not even sure what they were singing about... I just felt sad for the sake of feeling sad, and if I wanna feel sad I am gonna damnit!





It was about this point I decided to just give up on today.
Think I might watch a soppy movie and give myself a genuine excuse for some waterworks!

x
Sarah

Conversadists.

Yes I know, I haven't posted in FOREVER.. You get to the point where you can't think of anything clever to say, or interesting to talk about.. and the more you think about it, the worse it gets.. it even gets to the point where you consider writing about how wrong it is that your Aunty was wearing Thursdays socks on a Wednesday!

Anyway.. I read an article about joke telling, and how there are the type who drag them out, or get them wrong, or simply make it out to be funnier than it is.. and while all these techniques kill a joke flat, there are far more abominal crimes...

 FOR EXAMPLE...



Answering rhetorical questions!

As clever as you may sound, the only thing that separates adults from children, is the ability to turn everything into an "I am right, you are wrong" lecture. Don't overthrow the hierarchy by outwitting them, it upsets the stability of the universe.. or... something.









Answering somebodies deep and meaningful question with more than a "Hmmm".

While your five page essay on the sounds trees make( regardless of who is there to hear them), is no doubt enthralling.. I prefer to stay ignorant if it means my audiences inability to comprehend or even answer my questions makes me look smarter than them. Go away bubble burster!









Turning a light convo, into something dark and gloomy!

 "I got a new kitten today!"
"I kill kittens".
*back away slowly*














But of all the conversational errs.. the worst might have to be the part where you say something witty.. and it flies right over the other persons head.
Murphy's law.. nothing is ever as funny the second time around, and no one is ever there to witness all the really good jokes :-(

When it rains, it pours!

It's about time I break the blog drought!
And what better way, then a blog about rain?



So.. while I feel like I have been immensely busy lately, I can't complain, because not long ago I was complaining about being bored out of my tree.
which brings me to my next topic.
Have you ever noticed, when it comes to your personal life, there are only two speeds? snail mode, or speed of light!













Dating.


For example, dating!
You could be woefully single, all your friends seem to be in relationships, you resort to re-reading last years valentines cards, and sing along to the Exponents in your bedroom whilst cuddling your favorite teddy bear... or you have so many boys to juggle, you could show the circus a thing or two!.. "I like this one guy, but his bestfriend likes me, and then there is that totally creepy guy who keeps putting baby birds in my letter box... where is the middle ground? the handsome hunk who has eyes for noone else, and scares off all other guys in a ten mile radius? yeah well, lets be honest, he probably sparkles.

















Work.


Either you are begging for work, SOMETHING to get you some extra pocket money.. you even consider hocking off your pokemon collection on trademe it gets that bad.. OR you are permanently screening calls from work asking you to cover yet ANOTHER shift.. sleep? who needs it? everyone has the bubonic plague, and didn't you know? you are the last person they can ask, which means it is ALL DOWN TO YOU! you might as well live there!






Social Events



So you feel like a social pariah, your calendar looks like a vast desert.. you can actually see the tumble weeds blowing past the weeks. You find yourself staring longingly at your friends facebook photos, pictures of them partying it up large while you are stuck at home.. why is everybody doing things on the nights you can't? why is everyone busy on your only saturday off? you wonder if they would notice if you didn't sign into facebook for an entire weekday?? it's time to get drastic!
Or you are avoiding your mothers calls because what with work, Sonja's party, Chris's 21st, Amy's baby shower, Dan & Danni's wedding, Cheap Tuesdays at the bar and Eric's flatwarming (that is rumoured to be an all weekender).. you barely have time to breath, eat or sleep let alone call her back to talk about good washing weather, and wether the family dog might have Alzheimers.

I am pretty sure everything in my life follows this simple rule.
"If it's not calm then it's chaos"
am I the only one???

Ball fever!

So it is world cup season, or something to that extent, I have never been one to follow sports closely so you will have to forgive me if I have it totally backwards.
My friends feed on facebook is peppered with patriotic messages and inundated with new profile pictures featuring Tshirts and flags of favourite players and teams.

It is enough to make you barf... well.. me anyway.
So after being involved in a discussion in which I attempted to pinpoint some exact reasoning for my abhorrence towards sport.. I thought I might think about it a little harder, and turn it into a blog.
Okay.. so here it is.. things I dislike about sports.









Enthusiasm.

I can imagine being that enthusiastic about chocolate, or a 50% off sale at your favourite store.. but getting up at 5am to squeeze into some short shorts and a t-shirt, to kick a muddy ball around a field for several hours?
 Or to chase each other up and down a field, only to have someone slam you into the muddy dew soaked ground every few minutes.
Surely the half time oranges aren't that good?


Outfits.

Yep I get that teams need team colours, and people want to 'match', but I seriously can't stand the little skimpy shorts and the over-sized tshirts.
Especially when one assumes they can also double as everyday attire. I am still scarred from somebodies Dad at a school barbecue sitting in some little rugby shorts with his legs wide open. NOT PRETTY.









Smell.

Okay okay so I am getting a bit finicky..
But I just associate sports with the smell of damp earth, trampled grass, sweaty bodies and the sting of cold morning fog. Not to mention when you pack together hundreds of sports fans into the same area, and add the smell of hotdogs, face paint and over excited Dad's foaming at the mouth.
They should bottle that scent and sell it to sport fanatics. I could imagine it as an air freshener dangling from the rear view mirror in their mini-van, consequently full of sports equipment and equally enthusiastic children.






Hype.

Right before a big game people get infected with enthusiasm.. akin to the Zombie Apocalypse one might imagine.
Even the most mundane of people are suddenly prone to high pitched outbursts of tourettes without any warning. You can't go out shopping without being bombarded by themed merchandise. You could probably even  redesign your entire house to match your favorite team if you wanted to.
I just don't get it.  Wearing an all blacks tshirt without washing it for a week is not going to win the game.
The only thing you will win is some peace and quiet when you drive everyone away with your body odour.




Sound.

Okay so this sounds pretty weak too, but seriously I hate the sound of sports.
The grunting and shouting, the cheering and jeering, the blowing of whistles and thudding of feet. It all makes me feel a bit giddy and in need of a drink.
 I turn the music up on Saturdays when I drive past the sports fields, lest I become infected with enthusiasm and can't make it to the hospital in time.







All in all, I get WHY people like sports,  I just have no wish to participate. I can't even stand watching it on TV unless it is something obscure and amusing like Turtle Racing.
I even don't mind a bit of ice skating or gymnastics come Olympics time, but team sports just send me into meltdown mode.

HOWEVER I am willing to compromise.
I solemnly swear I won't continue to rant and rave about how much I loathe sports, if you don't shove your enthusiasm in my face either! deal?
DEAL!





x
Sarah

Men are from Mars..

Hello Again!

I drunkenly attempted to participate in a game of 'Battle of the Sexes' last night.
Not only does this highlight my inability to comprehend, and articulate whilst drunk, but it got me thinking about all the other differences between guys and gals.

Handbags are a big one.

I know *some* guys (such as my hubby) use 'Manbags' - the male equivelent to a womans most cherished possession.
But even those I find lacking. The contents are yawn worthy! Keys, Wallet, Ciggarettes, Mp3 Player, Gum. The End.
MY handbag on the other hand, is always fill to the brim with the 'essentials'.
Don't ask what these are unless you've got all day (& possibly night) - just know the main difference between a girls and a guys handbag, is around 3kg.








Drinks is something different!

Whilst us girls are supping on vodka and orange, raspberry cruisers, vanilla Galliano, Midori and pineapple, Peppermint Schnapps or strawberry Cosmopolitan.. the boys are chugging down beers, whiskey and coke, or rum. BOOOORING, wouldn't an umbrella make that taste just that much better? a twist of lime?, or a swirl of syrup? There are of course the odd ones that blur the lines by drinking outside of their gender designated beverages.. we should shoot them.









Then there are shoes!

My hubby's shoes have holes in them!
He has had about 10 pairs of Chuck Taylors, but wears them one after the other. He uses a pair til they fall to pieces, then replace & repeat!
I however, swear left right and center, that I only wear jandals, but I have atleast three pairs of those, not to mention I have some 'walking shoes', a few pairs of sneakers, some 'going out' shoes, some 'responsible looking' shoes, four pairs of slippers, some sandals and a pair of black cowboy boots. I'm not even what you would call a 'Shoe Person'!!! - the MALE equivilent of a shoe person, would be owning a second pair of sneakers incase the other pair get wet!

and a mans favorite hobby.. Conversations.

Guys:
"Hey Dude, sup?"
"No'much, having a bit of trouble with the missus."
"That sucks bro, wanna play C.O.D?"
"Yeah, sweet"
Girls:
"Hey Becky, what's wrong? you look like somethings on your mind?"
"It's just Matt is being kinda lame, I don't really wanna talk about it."
"Okay hun, but just know I am here if you need me?"
"Well... tell me what YOU think. I was sitting on the couch watching TV when.."
Apparently woman talk twice as much as men do, in the average day.
"It's because we have to repeat everything, because you weren't listening the first time!"
That's my story and I'm sticking to it.


ANYWAY
I could go on forever, girls and guys are like Chocolate and Mustard. But I guess we just have to keep in mind... Opposites Attract! and all that jazz ;)

x
Sarah

Fhweatie!

Hello Again!
As the weather gets colder and colder, I find myself dreaming about a fwheatie. A wheatie with a hole in it for your feet! ingenious!

"Fwheatie"

Alas there is no such thing as a fhweatie.
It is just something really awesome that I wish were real!
Which got me to thinking.... (yes I do that sometimes)
what other things am I missing out on?
So here are some inventions that I really wish existed!

Jet Packs.

Think how convenient that would be, you just zoom to work, and zoom home again. You could get double jet packs, for the directionally challenged, and special jet packs with baby/dog carriers for those with little ones :-) Okay so not the most environmentally friendly idea in the world, but we could fuel em with garbage or really annoying people.
Lets not focus on what would happen if you ran out of gas mid-flight... o_O











Flying Bed.

Speaking of flying, a flying bed would be awesome. You could see the world snuggled up in your blanket, you could sleep in a different country every night! I think I have been watching too much Bedknobs and Broomsticks.. but still.. this plan is fail-proof! (shhh there is no such thing as rain).






Dress'o'matic

I think this one is inspired by part 'Casper' the movie, and part laziness... okay a whole lotta laziness.
How awesome would it be to just stumble out of bed, press a button (casual, smart, work, fancy, sexy, swim wear etc..) and be dressed/made-up and clean in a flash?
Oh the time it would save!
Yes I am aware of all the things that could go wrong with this, but shhh get out of my dream!



Mute Button

This might be my favorite of all. Especially if the mute-ee were unaware of the effect. Smile and nod your way through your parents silent lectures. Tune out your best-friends obsession with Lady Gaga.
I think this invention could go global! I know for sure it would be a hit with all parents ;)







x
Sarah