May 6, 2019

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot

Today's post is going to be about f**ks. 

I know, I know, that sounds very un-PC.
Bear with me, there is a point to my cussing I swear (pun intended - that one's for you Dad!)

This year I am trying to embrace a new way of thinking. Not so much about not caring, or disassociating from things when they get too rough, tough and real. Rather I am trying to have a healthy attitude about what I can control, which things I can choose to let have an impact on me, and which ones I can choose to look at in a more positive light.
I am trying to treat life like a rollercoaster you can't get off. If you stop screaming for just a minute, open your eyes, take some deep breaths and relax... you might actually enjoy it.


Several Sundays ago, I begrudgingly dragged my lazy butt up Mount Manaia. No easy feat when you've been inactive for a better part of 12 months or more, and you decide to launch back into it full speed ahead, rather than build up your fitness in the sensible manner.
I had had a conversation that day about 'temptation bundling', sandwiching something you are reluctant to do in amongst incentivising temptations.
I decided I wasn't allowed to play SIMS 4 (tragic I know) until I went for a walk, I then added the allure of a large hot Mocha if I got out of the house, and downloaded an audio book of a novel I have been wanting to read, Mark Manson's 'The Subtle Art Of Not Giving A F*CK'.

Walking up was horrific. My lungs were dying, I took way too many rests to justify, sometimes I was crazy enough to run up the endless staircases wending their way into the distance, sometimes I damn near crawled up.
I hugged many a tree for moral support, as well as physical! .. my legs didn't understand the concept of 'upright' and I struggled to sip away at my water bottle, resisting the urge to chug it all back in one go, or pour the entire contents over my head. I smiled at passersby, loathing their calm collected faces as they jogged back down, having already reached the summit, goal achieved, the worst behind them. I sneered inwardly at the perfumed ladies passing me, smelling sweetly of flowers and exotic musks, while I sweated profusely with nothing more than a dab of deodorant under each arm... and smelling distinctly of the mossy rock I had lain down on not 5 minutes before.

However, with Mark Manson's words in my ear,  I was able to simultaneously laugh and enlighten my way up that mountain. And spoiler alert, I reached the top... it was epic, and despite the heavy foot traffic, I was able to sit up top for a good 20mins taking in the view, buffeted by the winds, with only a brave cicada for company.
But, painstaking ascent of the mountain aside, I wanted to talk a bit about the theme of the book.
I won't reveal any spoilers for those wanting to read it for themselves, not that it is the kind of book that really has any spoilers, you kind of just have to read it (or listen) and take from it what you will.
But in a nutshell... MY takeaway was this:



Give less fucks, by caring less about the unimportant. So that you can spend your fucks, on things that truly matter.
Stop trying so hard to be happy, to avoid pain and suffering and to ooze success.. because experiencing pain and suffering is unavoidable. You don't have to feel HAPPINESS all the time and it is really about choosing what things are worth suffering for, what pain is worth enduring, and being okay with things being shit sometimes, because we aren't perfect, we aren't supposed to be.
Nature is geared toward dissent. Unsatisfied creatures are all around us. It makes us industrious.
If everyone and everything was perfectly content, they wouldn't strive for food, for industry, for reproduction, to innovate, to create, to LIVE. We would all just sit back in perfect admiration for ourselves and our lives, and we wouldn't want to change or improve anything.

I found that comforting, to think, yeah okay, some things in life are going to upset me or feel difficult, but I can choose WHICH things I am going to let upset me, I can decide if they are worth getting upset about. And being upset isn't necessarily a bad thing, It inspires us to change things, it spurs on decisions, actions and problem solving.
Some of the greatest creations in this world were solutions to smaller problems, and then were used for a multitude of other great big things. ACCIDENTS and MISTAKES have led to great discoveries in the field of science and medicine. Some of my biggest regrets in life lead to some of my best decisions. So I choose not to regret anymore, just to adapt, re-assess and make do.


"I'd rather live a life of OH WELLS than WHAT IFS"
A quote I picked up from an internet comment section, I feel like this strikes a chord.
Every happy occurrence is inexplicably linked to an unhappy one from our past, every action has a reaction and an outcome, and if we take away any of the formulae, the sum would end up different. If I delete the bad, I might delete something good along with it. It's like pairing all your favourite books with a book you wish you hadn't bothered to read. Yeah, you might never get back the hours spent reading Fifty Shades of Grey... but imagine if never reading it meant you also didn't get to read your favourite book ever? I would read that trash 100 times over to lose myself once more in War and Peace, or Into The Silent Land. I would read the entire series (which I unfortunately did) to be able to read J.K Rowling's Harry Potter, or Jean M Auel's Earth Children series once more!
Memories and mistakes are like that. Throw away one, throw away others good and bad alike, that were only made possible from the lessons you learned and the person you are now, is because of them.

So onward and upward. I know this sounds like a sickening pep-talk, and it is in a way. More for me than for you, but you are welcome to extract any inspiration from it you can. Life can play hard ball sometimes, and I feel like my plate is overflowing at the moment. I struggle sometimes to resist the urge to curl up in the foetal position and scream out "somebody else's turn!".
But the big thing that keeps me going is; that if I let someone else take over, if I give up and say enough is enough, if I stop trying and doing my best, all that I am capable of... then I cannot look in the mirror and say "You are someone I LIKE and respect" and that is everything. 
The one person I can count on spending the rest of my life with.. is me. 

So here's to progress, to betterment and learning to love, forgive and expect more (but not too much) from ourselves. 
Here's to enjoying, celebrating and capitalising on every success and achievement, while accepting, learning and growing from each mistake. 

I dedicate this post to all my friends, family and supports that have and are inspiring me to do better, be better, and feel better, and choose what to give a f**k about!. I hope you can all be, do and feel those things too xoxox

Feb 9, 2019

Outdated

Dating.


Chances are you've probably experienced it, at least once in your life, maybe recently, maybe not in the last decade. But most people have had at least one date that didn't go so smoothly.
If you are a sucker for punishment, or just have saint-like patience and tenacity, you may have weathered many a bad date, and lived to tell the tale.
I considered regaling you all with some of the more amusing dating fails I have had, but thought better of it considering the size of the town in which I live and the far-reaching arms of the internet!


Personally I am usually adverse to all things dating related, such as: relationships, love, marriage, humanity and most of mankind... *ahem*
 Well,  at least that's the conclusion I often inadvertently come to, after a sub-par date, unrequited attraction, or a new relationship fizzles out. Then, after a self imposed period of solitude, I become bored, frustrated, lonely, or all of the above, and I jump back into the thick of it, convinced this time I know exactly what I want, and maybe even who I want it with.

Firstly,
I am pretty happy on my own overall.
I got to experience over a decade with someone! After experiencing real love, marriage, having two babies together, separation and eventually divorce, I feel like I have had a taste of everything relationships have to offer, and I am not missing out on any of the great experiences in life.

Love is great, and companionship is wonderful, but each time I get a pang of loneliness, or start to feel my life is incomplete, I try to remind myself of the things in singledom that would be hard to give up for anyone less than awesome! I like to pretend that is the only reason I am so often single, that it's simply because I am too lazy to go looking for Mr Right.. but I am not exactly fighting them back from the door either!

I must admit, after one of my more recent bouts of loneliness, where I embarked on several dates (and tried my best to act like a regular human being), I did meet someone lovely, whom I am cautiously 'dating exclusively' from a distance, and holding my breath a little that it pans out accordingly.
Even that being said, I think the only reason it is working out so far, is that we each have our own lives to attend to first and foremost, and we are united by our need for independence, but also the desire to share some time, hobbies, interests and activities together, along with long winded conversations on geeky topics, followed with existential questions on life and the universe.
However lest I scare him off (like I am so talented in doing), let's look at some of my top reasons for seriously considering a life of spinster-hood with my cat and computer.

1. Netflix is already my BF.
When in a relationship, especially when kids are involved, alone time is limited, so any TV time must be divided equally or a compromise of tastes. If you can find common ground and common shows to watch, excellent! But if entire seasons of single Sarah favourites go unwatched because the new BF doesn't dig binge watching Task Master, or respect your need for Outlander night, then things are going to get dicey!
Netflix would get jealous if I started spending too much time with someone else. I could never do that to Netflix. Netflix is BAE.






2. Relationship Routine.
Not that I have ever been very good with routines, but I hear it is a thing you do? Going to bed at the same time as each other at night, eating meals together, spending days off together, planning dates and going on weekends away. I can already see my calendar cringing now! Sarah doesn't do planning.  Sarah does spontaneous! Sarah goes to bed at 3am sometimes because she leaves things to the last minute and has to stay up to get them done!
Sarah also talks about herself in the third person.... apparently.






3. Make-up and Maintenance.
I have been known to shave my legs, dye my hair, and even put on a face full of makeup with some level of expertise. But the expectation that I am going to be bothered doing that on a regular basis is slim to nil. The inner sloth inside just can't quite be bothered asking around, to find out who is into the Shrek storyline, because this princess definitely transforms back into an ogress rather frequently!









4. Goal Keeping.
I have goals, I have things I procrastinate endlessly about, and I have things I have knocked out the park and feel quite pleased with myself over. But for all these things, I only have myself to disappoint.. partnerships should be about loving and appreciating each other as individuals, about pushing and providing enough space and support for each other to achieve their individual best.
While having a cheerleader on the side line definitely helps with motivation, at the end of the day, I need to make sure that everything I do is driven by my own drive. Because you don't want your stack of cards to tumble if someone takes half the deck away.



5. Hermit-crabbing.
Anyone that knows me KNOWS I am a hermit crab. I self selected the noble Sloth as my super spirit animal, but I alas, I am not a pure-bred sloth. I am the almighty hermit sloth, with a love for day naps, and hiding from life.
So while I can lavish time, attention, love and devotion in bucketfuls upon those I care about. Sometimes I just need to crawl back into my shell and recharge, I have nothing left for anyone.
As much as I would love a full time relationship one day, where I can be around someone 24/7 and not feel drained or like stabbing them (is that even possible???), I feel like life at the moment is a continuous science experiment.  I am still figuring out the right equation, the right balance and mix of elements and ingredients, which sometimes blows up spectacularly... but hey, even messy explosions teach us something about something!

6. Crazy Collections.
I blame my hoarding habits on my father, who over the years trained and conditioned us to ferret out collectables for his collections, whenever we adventured outside. We dug up old bottles on abandoned farmland, collected beach pegs from the tidelines, the more barnacled the better!
Smooth sea glass and unusual shells, peculiar rocks and small crystals... soon my own collection grew. My minimalist mother, and like-minded sister (who had the bad fortune of sharing a room with me) collectively pulled their hair out trying to control my overflowing clutter.
I'm not sure where on the scale of 'desirable' and 'sexy' my collections of Ugly Twee ornaments, classic books, art supplies, teapots, stationary and fridge magnets falls. But I am pretty sure they would feature more favourably on 'The Undateables' then on the 'Bachelor' or your average Tinder bio!

I could go on with this post I am sure.
Most definitely there are plenty of perks to being single, like not needing to worry about things like snoring, blanket hogging, sharing snacks (kids aside) or in-laws and getting along with their friends, whom you may or may not even like.
However. Like with anything in life, everything has a flip side. We are a social creature and I believe we benefit immensely from giving love, caring for others, and nurturing and being nurtured alike.
As much as I love to hermit, and as much love as I give and receive with family and friends abound...  the chemical connection that romantic love/lust gives us, is nothing to sniff your nose at. 'Netflix and Chill' takes on an entirely different meaning when you are doing it with your BFF or your cat!

I will finish off with an excerpt from a poem I enjoyed, by Khalil Gibran:
~
"Love one another but make not a bond of love: let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls"
~
And for those of you still looking for love, don't give up hope. If Donald Trump can find someone willing to marry him, then there is surely someone out there for us all! Mwahaha.




Jun 15, 2017

Catching Up

Welcome back! (to myself and my dear readers)
I have risen from the depths of virtual oblivion, pulled myself out of bed and dusted off my stylus.
Time, once more, to fill your screens with my puportless double-talk and crazy sketches!

All hail the almighty stylus!

I have aged considerably in my time between my last entry and today's,
and maybe even wizened a little.
However I cannot promise my words will be sage, or even very humorous, but should the dialogue get dreary, hopefully the crazy illustrations will suffice to sweeten the deal.
Thanks for coming on the ride, especially to those who have encouraged me to keep on with something I enjoy!  -ahem- enough of that palaver, let's get on with it shall we?

My youngest has just turned eight, which makes me feel like I should be walking with a Zimmer frame already.

The schnozzberries taste like schnozzberries!


















Being eight and a girl, she keeps me on my toes. Being eight, a girl and having Autism, she keeps me on my toes, dancing a jig and laughing while simultaneous pulling out my hair!
Things I have said to her this morning so far:
"Walls aren't for licking"
"That is not a tooth growing on your tongue, that's toothpaste'
"Clothes back on please! It's too cold to be naked"
"Smile for the photo.. no don't SAY smile.. make a smile.. no..not like that... ummmm ...boobies?"


Super Smarty-Pants

























Meanwhile my son is a month off turning 10 and he knows EVERYYYTHING... well according to him.
It's true, he can work the TV, iPad, and his computer better than anyone else, he happens to know all my passwords to just about everything and if I can't find something or get something to work, he is my first port of call.
But being the man-of-the-house he tends to lord it up and TELL me what's up! Lucky for him I am only half-way under his thumb, or he would live on a diet of spicy noodles, spend his life on the computer and TV then go to bed after midnight!
He is pretty amazing all that aside, and is my little super hero helping me with so much. So while I must admit I haven't done a hellivah lot more than played mom for the past however-many-years since I last blogged,
it HAS been my pleasure, most the time, truly.

I've been so prop-ular lately!

For the last month or two I have been helping out with the local theatre, in the props department, creating and sourcing bits and pieces here and there to help bring the show together,
while the true talent is ON the stage, a lot of hard work goes on around it, and I am glad my contributions have helped in some way.
Going along to rehearsals, prompting the actors and making lists upon lists of props to make, source, and collect, whilst laughing along with the script and rehearsal stuff-ups due to forgotten lines, late nights concentration, and sheer tomfoolery, has actually been my idea of a social life and a good time!

Rest assured, my real victim only looked HALF as terrified!
Three days a week with the help of some babysitting, I got to go out and mix with other adults, and pretend I was somebody of some importance, and not feel so bad for leaving my not-so-baby-babies at home.
How ever the show has knocked it's first week out of the park with sold out shows every night.
Just two weeks, or eight shows to go, and aside from popping in to do some a bit of make-up each night, rehearsals are over and my job is done.

It's been awesome to see it all come together,
and a bonus to see my props on stage and not looking entirely crud.
But it is also sad to no longer have that social outlet with a bunch of fun and wacky people to look forward to each week.

Super Sloth to the resc....Zzzzzzz
C'est la vie, life goes on, and I definitely have plenty going on to keep me busy.
This keeping busy stuff, is a bit of a tough balancing act though!
Some weeks I am SuperMom, other weeks I am SuperSloth and sleeping is my full time hobby and spare time activity.
Gotta be talented at something though right?

So those are the things I have (or rather HAVEN'T) been doing, some are interesting and some are as dull and lifeless as my eyes get when I have to wash the dishes, or watch Scary movie 3 AGAIN (thank you Clair)

But I am grateful for my life, the people in it, the effort people make to lend a hand, and the words of encouragement.
Cheers to those that have read this far, please subscribe or follow my Facebook page (Sarahiouslycool) to keep up to date with new blog posts in the future!

Adios Amigos!
Sarah.






May 22, 2011

Friendslips

AHOY THERE MATIES! (don't ask why I am a pirate.. one of life's mysteries!)



Some say friends make the world go round, some say they make life worth living. Others claim friends are worth their weight in gold (man I must be worth a lot!), I've even heard people state they would rather die then go without their friends.

I pretty much agree with all these statements, but I am a realist. Friends are hard work. I can't think of many things in life that you get for free.. so it makes sense that friendship is just another product of hard labour.
Either way, in this last little while I have really come to appreciate the complexity of friendships.. and have learnt the hard way, how easy it is to stuff friendships up.
I do believe though, that if you can overcome the trials and tribulations that friendship brings, you will find happiness in its purest form.

Here are some of the snags I have come up against, in my time as a friend to anyone:

Too much 'friend time'.


There are those moments when you have hung out with your friends for far too long.
Either you are staying with them during a holiday break, maximising your 'friend time' during your days off (to make up for all the solitude whilst working), or you just figure because you love each other so much, spending 7 days back to back in each others company should be no problem right?
 Wrong. Cabin fever applies to all dynamics, even BFF's... while her endless humming of "Tale as Old of Time" only used to grate your nerves ever so slightly, you are now on the verge of stuffing her head into a tiny teapot, and not a cute singing and dancing one either!
 Other things that may bother you during this time are: The volume at which they chew, the sound they make when they sneeze, the way they type like they have a personal grudge against the keyboard, how close to other cars they drive, how they drive exactly 1k under the speed limit at all times... I could go on, but my point is all these itty bitty little things they do can cause rage blackouts if you have spent too long in their presence. My advice? spend your friend time wisely. Quality is better than quantity in many cases. Avoid each other at 'that time of the month' and if you plan to spend longer than a week in each others company, throw a few 'Me' days in there somewhere.. to give you space to breath!

Oh no you didn't!

Then there is that moment in time, when you say something you really just wish you didn't. I am a girl so I like to blame all these moments on it being "that time of month" but reality is, if you are friends with someone, you are probably going to p*** them off at some point or other.. unless you are the Queen of Tact.(I for one am far from it!)
The thing you say may not matter, it could be said in the heat of the moment, (too much friend time?), or maybe you really meant it, perhaps you were just trying to help them out, in your own round-a-bout kind of way.. regardless of the cause, these "oh no you didn't!" moments usually work themselves out. My personal solution is time, followed by a sincere apology. Time gives you the chance to be sincere about it, and them the time to heal the wound & hopefully miss you a bit too.
 Just remember,  next time they say they are feeling a little puffy, NOT to liken their face to Elephantitus!

Boys, love and all things mooshy.

If you are a girl, there HAS to have been a time atleast ONCE in your life, you have shared a crush on a boy with your best friend. If you are both lucky, he will deign to notice either of you exist, but often is the case he chooses one of you over the other.. and then things get kind of messy.
If you are good friends, you will decide that friendship conquers all, and one will be happy for the other, should they luck in on love. But if you are a human being, and have any feelings, they will probably get squashed.. you will no doubt be prone to the odd spot of jelousy. Just try to remember, other guys will come along, and by that time she will probably believe romance is dead and love is akin to climbing mountains. You can flaunt your new found enthusiasm for love and all things cheesy til the cows come home! Just keep in mind, if things go asunder, you do still want her to be there to pick you up, so maybe go easy on the flaunting!!

Distant Friends.


Don't forget those friends that you never get around to seeing, you could almost be worlds apart. It's not that you love them any less, or that you don't miss them from time to time, but fate just never quite coincides with the meeting of your two souls.. errr... I mean.. your just too lazy.
Anyway, the longer you haven't spoken to this friend, the later you leave it, the awkwarder it becomes. You search your brain for an excuse to explain away the months inbetween your last catch up... the years you have let pile up since you last sought them out.. basically poking a needle in your eye is a more attractive option than picking up that phone right now.
My advice? Try to remember that THEY haven't contacted YOU either, and probably feel equally guilty. I bet if you made the first move, they would be too grateful to ask you anything awkward like "so why haven't I heard from you beyotch?"


Deaf friends.

The last problem I will talk about is Deaf Friends. I am not talking about the hearing impaired (unless by choice), rather I am talking about the friends, who no matter the countless times they ask for your advice, just never seem to take it.
 The friends who seem to make the same mistakes over and over, despite your best efforts to dissuade them. The friends who walk into trouble with their eyes closed and fingers in their ears, all the while you are desperately trying to steer them in a safer direction!
Unfortunately this is a trial that nearly every friendship must face, and I believe it is the true test of friendship.
 A true friend, will love you, not for your bad decisions, as numerous as they may be, but for your best intentions, even if they don't understand why you do half the things you do. My theory? they aren't listening, not because they don't value your advice, it is just that sometimes in life we all need to make our own mistakes in order to learn from them. So just be a good friend, listen, give out advice if you want to, but don't get too hung up on whether they follow through or not, the important thing is just to be there for them if things get messy.


In summary, friends are multi faceted things, much like precious gems... they sparkle, they glimmer, they make you feel fabulous... but they can also be pricey, so when you have them, you don't want to lose them... they can be hard to replace.
Treat with care and treasure them with your heart.
Some friends may resemble a lump of coal at times, but underneath they may be a diamond, think carefully before tossing them.
<3


Dec 5, 2010

Later-land

Procrastination 

Procrastinating about writing this blog, is an example of procrastination.
(To tell you the truth I have been addicted to 'Mall World' and every waking moment that I spend on the computer is spent buying and selling clothes for my avatar's shop and trying to make a profit to buy more clothes for her ever expanding wardrobe. Yes, I know.. scintillating.)




Another example is the fact that none of my dishes are done, nor the clothes on my couch folded.. I have half put away the kids toys they strew around the room.. and that is just the tip of the iceberg.
I have half finished craft projects jumbled willy nilly with other half finished artistic pursuits. A half sewn soft toy, a half painted picture, Half a written letter and a scrapbook half fulled. It seems I get to starting these things, then decide to finish them off 'later'.

When is this later? Later must be a very busy time indeed, for all the things I have proposed to do in this selected time frame. I am sure I am not the only one in this world that insists they will do something later.




Here are a few things that I believe forever live in Later-land.........

A million unwritten essays 


"I will just watch the latest episode of Glee, and then I HAVE to paint my toenails because they are just looking very dull and it's so hot lately so I will be wearing sandals all the time, so we can't have them looking shabby now can we?" 












Un-confessed feelings


" I promise I will tell Bobby I love him, just not today.. today is a bad day because his Grandma died 3 months ago and I am sure he is still upset about it, and it just seems so rude to have moved on already and be thinking about love ya'know? not to mention he hurt his ankle on Saturday so I don't want to overload his brain with more things to think about.. I am just being a good friend! It's not because I don't want to tell him, it's because I CARE about him!"








Dentist visits 


"I know I should get my teeth looked at, it's just that it stopped hurting when I took 4 panadol 2 morphine and a tranquilizer dart to the face. So surely that means it has fixed itself.. if it starts hurting again later I will think about it, actually you know there is no point calling this time of year anyway.. everyone gets their teeth fixed around christmas time so they look good, when they are ya'know... caroling..."









Christmas Shopping



"I will get it done soon, no point rushing out now, it's still early yet, besides everyone does their shopping early, they think that everyone will be doing it last minute, but the trick is, that EVERYONE presumes everyone else will be slack and they in turn will be prepared, leaving the last minute shopping prime time open for smart people who have thought it through thoroughly such as myself. Oh f**k where did all these people come from?"
 







Diets un-started (or finished!)


 I am definately going on a diet soon, but with christmas just around the corner there would be no point starting JUST yet... after christmas... well there is all the left overs.. and then New Years with all that booze would be the absolute WORST time, but in the New Year, yes starting January! oh wait that is Megan & Charlie's wedding, and they will have the BEST catering money can buy - it would be a shame to waste all that food! Oh well maybe next years resolution will be start my diet! this years will be... wear less... fuchsia.






At the end of the day... if I die tomorrow, I would rather miss out on a bunch of unfinished chores and homework, then all of the good stuff! I guess that is why some people eat dessert before their dinner.. you only live once right?

Oct 28, 2010

High Five-Head

As you may have noticed, I have change my layout around quite a bit... hopefully it doesn't assault your eyes toooo much!
This blog is my 'creative outlet' - something I think is important for my overall wellbeing.
Lately however I have been dabbling in other 'outlets'..
One being photography.



So I am using a cheap little digital camera, set on auto mode, and just run around snapping at things with no real clue but my 'artistic eye'.. but it is still fun.
Often I look at other peoples photos, just to compare and take note, and look for flaws I should be avoiding..












(Here are some of the types of photos I have observed)

The Up-Shot.

This one annoys me the most. It makes me pity small children and really short people. There is nothing attractive about looking up someones nostrils.. and tilting your head back so we get a good view of your chin hairs is not going to do it either.
I guess what annoys me the most is that I too have to fight the urge of jutting my chin out (in a hope of losing some extra ones) everytime someone gets snap happy.. KEEP.THAT.CHIN.DOWN! seriously!










The Five-Head.

I stole this term off my BFF, it is used to describe someone with a big fore head.. (five being larger than four - har har). In this case it just means getting to see 60% fore head, 40% face. Think myspace angles and top shots. I am totally guilty of this, trying to leave off a few pounds with a 'flattering' downward angle... the thing is there is a line between flattering angle, and Neanderthal proportions... I have yet to find it :-/











The Photo-bomb.

While photobombing is a popular sport.. it is only funny if it is.. well.. funny! Nothing worse then taking a really great shot of your cutesie wootsie fluffy pal Poochie, then realizing there is some little kid picking his nose in the background. Now you will have to place a proportionally challenged Santa Claus over the top of that little snotter, for this years Christmas Cards, which will possibly distract from Poochies natural beauty! oh the shame!










The Tall-Man.

This is where the photographer thinks the sky is a lot more interesting then their subject, and only gets you from the neck up (not to mention a whole lotta space above).
Perhaps this would work if there was a firework display going on behind you, or someone hang-gliding naked... perhaps even an airplane towing "Will you marry me Sandra?"(especially if your name is Sandra). These would all be sufficient reason to aim that camera skywards, but if none of the above applies, you are hereby guilty of Tall-Man-itis!! (Or you really need to take off your stiletto's).








The Body-Catcher.

This is where the photo-takee manages to catch only shots of your body, and leave your head for the Tall-Man photographers of the world.
Body-Catchers manage to cut out half your face, all your face, half your body, everything but your shoes, your nephew Bradley and your Dad's really bad crew cut.
Body-Catchers are not reliable photographers unless you are one of those people who like to stick their faces on other peoples bodies (ala faceinhole).. in which case they are an endless source of bodies and body parts for your scrapbooking needs!







The Motion-Blur.

"And here is Kate with a monkey on her shoulder.. or.. wait.. is that Kate with her ventriloquist dummy?" either way it seems like Kate has been on a booze fueled bender all weekend with her photographer... and then gone for endless rides on the merry go round!
These fuzz filled photo's serve no purpose other than to imply that something awesome happened, some time, some where, with some people. This is only good if you are celebrity impersonators trying to take some candid shots for the tabloids. If so... carry on... just ignore me.
If not, pop a Ritalin, slow down, and let your camera do its thing!






The Tiny-Tim.

This is one of those shots where you pose next to an awesome billboard, or snuggle up next to a celebrity and yell at the person behind the camera "make sure you get everything in!"
Not only do they get in the important factors, the also include about half a million unimportant factors. The zoom is minimized as far as it can go, they are standing yards away, camera at arms length.. and last minute they decide to put another football field of space between you... just in case.
This photo is the love child of Where's Wally and a doctors office eye test - circling yourself in red marker can be helpful if you have a particularly bad memory like myself, though sometimes I tend to resemble a particularly nasty rain cloud.. so even that strategy has it's flaws.





The SMRAT-Shot.

Ignoring the fact I sometimes do this when driving in a real car, does anyone else ever play racing car games on Xbox or Playstation, and turn their entire body with the controllers when steering? This is what the SMRAT-Shot is a bit like. Those that start playing twister with the camera, or take a portrait photo holding the camera in a landscape position and vice versa. These directionally/spatially challenged people seem to suffer from many other Photography faux paus and should probably not operate heavy machinery.
While I must admit I am not the brightest crayon in the box, and sometimes forget to remove my finger from the lens or charge my battery before a big event, I have yet to stand on my head to take an upside down photo... have you?



So with Halloween, Guy-Fawkes and then Christmas around the corner, I can assume a lot of you will be getting snap-happy in the near future! Just make sure you are not guilty of UFPTBBTDBing! (thank that will catch on? yeah? ...nah)

x Sarah

Ps: Hope noone points out the fact that I am probably guilty of all the above sins!
Pps: Sarah Tarrant takes no responsibility for the awful spelling and grammar in this post, as this is her second attempt thanks to the internet disconnecting just as she pressed "post" the first time. YAY for 4am re-writes -_-

Oct 10, 2010

Trick or trick?

Hello again my loyal minions! *cough* I mean faithful friends!



With Halloween just around the corner, I have been putting some thought into my costume for our annual party.
Halloween is a really exciting event for myself and fellow friends, we love a chance to embrace the macabre and load on the scary makeup and accessories!
Unfortunately I still have no idea what to dress as, but I do have a lot of reject ideas!










Lady Gaga





Personally I am not a huge fan, but with all her crazy outfits and unusual style, she is definitely classed as a 'costume'.
Unfortunately her most controversial outfit is a bit out of my reach.
Being a vegetarian her "Meat dress" look is a little hard to pull off, as the only meat in my house is frozen fish fillets for the kids.
I can imagine this outfit would be a little on the uncomfortable side.. although if people get peckish we could always throw a few in the microwave?







Vampire


With Twilights international fame, the definition of 'Vampire' has changed quite a bit since Nosferatu's day. This does make dressing as a Vampire a heck of a lot easier as all I would need would be a big tub of body glitter.. but the possibility of death by 'Team Jacob' rivals, wearing their mothers fur coats and brandishing stakes, or Edward obsessed tweens with a Bella complex... is dangerously high. I think I will give this one a miss!







Michael Jackson



I was thinking a Zombie Micheal Jackson might be a cool idea ie; his Thriller video from earlier days..
But then I realized this could be misconstrued as a bit tongue in cheek, after the King of Pop's demise. I might give die hard fans a heart attack, or be attacked by a giant Pea Shooter or Cherry Bomb.. (please excuse my geeky Plants vs Zombies reference!)




Witch




This is always my go to costume, but I expect my friends would not be happy if I chose this outfit for Halloween. The only deviation from my everyday garb, is that I might don a hat and grab a hold of the kitchen broom. Not the most spectacular of efforts. I could however set a trap for a neighborhood cat and tie it to my broom?* the wounds I would no doubt receive for my efforts would surely get me points for trying? On second thoughts the only cat I have seen around lately is a rather large and fierce looking bobtail cat.. the odds stack highly in favor of the cat.. lets be honest I am a total wuss.





Ghost


Now this is an age old costume. Materials: 1 sheet, 1 pair of scissors = tada!.
Unfortunately the only sheets in the house are colorful gaudy things, either floral and inherited from my Nana's closet, Ugly unwanted hand-me-downs from various family members, or mismatched assorted colors.. none of them white.
I guess I could go as a ghost with a sunburn? Grandma Ghost? Invisible Ghost? Ghost that ate too much Halloween candy and now feels quite likely to vomit?
All these are viable options, but I am not sure how well I can drink with a sheet over my head. I would have to add a hole for a straw, no doubt about it.



Popular Youtube viral's


With options such as; Double Rainbow, Tay Zonday, David After the Dentist, Charlie the Unicorn, Very Angry Cat, Tourettes Guy or Chubby Cuppy Cake Boy (to mention but a few)
Unfortunately the only one I have any chance of really pulling off successfully is the last one. Lets just not go down that road.







So.. as you can see, my costume ideas have not really been all that successful just yet.
Feel free to help with better suggestions any time you like :P
Til next time,
x Sarah


* Please note I would never actually tie a cat to anything!... except maybe an escapee tiger, to something very very far away from me :D