Outdated

Dating.

Chances are you've probably experienced it, at least once in your life, maybe recently, maybe not in the last decade. But most people have had at least one date that didn't go so smoothly.
If you are a sucker for punishment, or just have saint-like patience and tenacity, you may have weathered many a bad date, and lived to tell the tale.
I considered regaling you all with some of the more amusing dating fails I have had, but thought better of it considering the size of the town in which I live and the far-reaching arms of the internet!


Personally I am usually adverse to all things dating related, such as: relationships, love, marriage, humanity and most of mankind... *ahem*
 Well,  at least that's the conclusion I often inadvertently come to, after a sub-par date, unrequited attraction, or a new relationship fizzles out. Then, after a self imposed period of solitude, I become bored, frustrated, lonely, or all of the above, and I jump back into the thick of it, convinced this time I know exactly what I want, and maybe even who I want it with.

Firstly,
I am pretty happy on my own overall.
I got to experience over a decade with someone! After experiencing real love, marriage, having two babies together, separation and eventually divorce, I feel like I have had a taste of everything relationships have to offer, and I am not missing out on any of the great experiences in life.

Love is great, and companionship is wonderful, but each time I get a pang of loneliness, or start to feel my life is incomplete, I try to remind myself of the things in singledom that would be hard to give up for anyone less than awesome! I like to pretend that is the only reason I am so often single, that it's simply because I am too lazy to go looking for Mr Right.. but I am not exactly fighting them back from the door either!

I must admit, after one of my more recent bouts of loneliness, where I embarked on several dates (and tried my best to act like a regular human being), I did meet someone lovely, whom I am cautiously 'dating exclusively' from a distance, and holding my breath a little that it pans out accordingly.
Even that being said, I think the only reason it is working out so far, is that we each have our own lives to attend to first and foremost, and we are united by our need for independence, but also the desire to share some time, hobbies, interests and activities together, along with long winded conversations on geeky topics, followed with existential questions on life and the universe.
However lest I scare him off (like I am so talented in doing), let's look at some of my top reasons for seriously considering a life of spinster-hood with my cat and computer.

1. Netflix is already my BF.
When in a relationship, especially when kids are involved, alone time is limited, so any TV time must be divided equally or a compromise of tastes. If you can find common ground and common shows to watch, excellent! But if entire seasons of single Sarah favourites go unwatched because the new BF doesn't dig binge watching Task Master, or respect your need for Outlander night, then things are going to get dicey!
Netflix would get jealous if I started spending too much time with someone else. I could never do that to Netflix. Netflix is BAE.






2. Relationship Routine.
Not that I have ever been very good with routines, but I hear it is a thing you do? Going to bed at the same time as each other at night, eating meals together, spending days off together, planning dates and going on weekends away. I can already see my calendar cringing now! Sarah doesn't do planning.  Sarah does spontaneous! Sarah goes to bed at 3am sometimes because she leaves things to the last minute and has to stay up to get them done!
Sarah also talks about herself in the third person.... apparently.






3. Make-up and Maintenance.
I have been known to shave my legs, dye my hair, and even put on a face full of makeup with some level of expertise. But the expectation that I am going to be bothered doing that on a regular basis is slim to nil. The inner sloth inside just can't quite be bothered asking around, to find out who is into the Shrek storyline, because this princess definitely transforms back into an ogress rather frequently!









4. Goal Keeping.
I have goals, I have things I procrastinate endlessly about, and I have things I have knocked out the park and feel quite pleased with myself over. But for all these things, I only have myself to disappoint.. partnerships should be about loving and appreciating each other as individuals, about pushing and providing enough space and support for each other to achieve their individual best.
While having a cheerleader on the side line definitely helps with motivation, at the end of the day, I need to make sure that everything I do is driven by my own drive. Because you don't want your stack of cards to tumble if someone takes half the deck away.



5. Hermit-crabbing.
Anyone that knows me KNOWS I am a hermit crab. I self selected the noble Sloth as my super spirit animal, but I alas, I am not a pure-bred sloth. I am the almighty hermit sloth, with a love for day naps, and hiding from life.
So while I can lavish time, attention, love and devotion in bucketfuls upon those I care about. Sometimes I just need to crawl back into my shell and recharge, I have nothing left for anyone.
As much as I would love a full time relationship one day, where I can be around someone 24/7 and not feel drained or like stabbing them (is that even possible???), I feel like life at the moment is a continuous science experiment.  I am still figuring out the right equation, the right balance and mix of elements and ingredients, which sometimes blows up spectacularly... but hey, even messy explosions teach us something about something!

6. Crazy Collections.
I blame my hoarding habits on my father, who over the years trained and conditioned us to ferret out collectables for his collections, whenever we adventured outside. We dug up old bottles on abandoned farmland, collected beach pegs from the tidelines, the more barnacled the better!
Smooth sea glass and unusual shells, peculiar rocks and small crystals... soon my own collection grew. My minimalist mother, and like-minded sister (who had the bad fortune of sharing a room with me) collectively pulled their hair out trying to control my overflowing clutter.
I'm not sure where on the scale of 'desirable' and 'sexy' my collections of Ugly Twee ornaments, classic books, art supplies, teapots, stationary and fridge magnets falls. But I am pretty sure they would feature more favourably on 'The Undateables' then on the 'Bachelor' or your average Tinder bio!

I could go on with this post I am sure.
Most definitely there are plenty of perks to being single, like not needing to worry about things like snoring, blanket hogging, sharing snacks (kids aside) or in-laws and getting along with their friends, whom you may or may not even like.
However. Like with anything in life, everything has a flip side. We are a social creature and I believe we benefit immensely from giving love, caring for others, and nurturing and being nurtured alike.
As much as I love to hermit, and as much love as I give and receive with family and friends abound...  the chemical connection that romantic love/lust gives us, is nothing to sniff your nose at. 'Netflix and Chill' takes on an entirely different meaning when you are doing it with your BFF or your cat!

I will finish off with an excerpt from a poem I enjoyed, by Khalil Gibran:
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"Love one another but make not a bond of love: let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls"
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And for those of you still looking for love, don't give up hope. If Donald Trump can find someone willing to marry him, then there is surely someone out there for us all! Mwahaha.