Mornings FTL

I hate mornings.
You are probably thinking "who doesn't?"
But I mean I LOATHE mornings. My brain pretty much doesn't switch on til midday, my friends and family can attest to this.

Because of this allergy towards early hours, I usually don't get out of bed 'til well after 10am.
Unfortunately due to having children and a job, there is the odd occasion I HAVE to be out of bed, and usually at some ungodly hour such as 5am. It is never pretty.

The first thing I do when I wake up is shove something edible in my mouth.
I can't function at this point, cooking is out of the question.. so whatever finds its way into my mouth has to be good to go.. if not, well I have eaten some strange things first thing in the morning.

Whilst still chewing I zombie march to the bathroom, where I turn the shower on full blast, and try to drown myself concious.
Another weird fact. I shower in complete darkness. I am not sure exactly why I do this.. I just do.
This can cause the odd complication when it comes to washing my hair and brushing my teeth, I try to keep the essentials in really obvious places to avoid mix-ups, this doesn't always go to plan.

Next port of call is to sit in my towel for half an hour or more, aimlessly refreshing my facebook and email, usually forgetting why I am there, and if I was actually planning on doing anything online at all. Once I have sufficiently filled everyones facebook feeds with mindless comments and posts, and established that not only do I not have any emails, It is highly unlikely anyone will be sending me one at 6 in the morning. I decide I should probably get ready for work.

After my half an hour shower, and half an hour 'browsing' I am pretty much dry, so I stumble around digging through piles of unfolded washing, looking for my uniform and something warm to wear. I have gone to work with my dressing gown on when my search has been fruitless, freezing is not an option.
Seen as I own hardly any jerseys I usually pinch one of my husbands, often I find 'suprises' in the pockets. Either some mislaid coins that for some strange reason find their way into my hand bag, some stray breath mints, or a spare lighter, both of which also magically become mine.

Getting dressed takes me quite a while, mostly because I can never find my clothes, or locate my other shoe. Quite often I put my clothes on inside out, If someone notices I lie and say I got dressed in the dark.
Truthfully I probably just get dressed with my eyes clothes, I am still pretty much asleep at this point.

As mentioned in previous posts I shave my eyebrows off and draw them on, this is probably the most difficult task of the morning, more often than not I go to work with uneven eyebrows, I figure the old people I care for probably don't have good enough eyesite to notice, and my co-workers are used to my strange ways.

Last of all I make a dash for the car. It is always FAREEZING outside this early, and I am not a happy chappy. Do you know how long it takes for car heaters to warm up? FOREVER. I am usually halfway to work before they kick in, by which time I am a chattering mess.
My way of coping? turning the radio up so loud my brain rattles. The rattling movement provides some heat.. if not I can't hear to think, so I can't think about being cold, ingenious.

Sucks when I hop back in the car after work and forget how loud my stereo is set though. Oops.

x
Sarah